by Hannah Fields
from Hannah’s Instagram
This was taken by Nick Hall after I struggled to finish one 400 at mile pace. I feel convicted to post something while being in the middle of a storm because I think too often on social media I only post the “perfect” or the after-story of trials. For whatever reason, it’s awkward for me to be open and somewhat serious in general, let alone on Instagram. But I figured if just one person could take encouragement from this then it was worth it.
I struggle big time with self-doubt and anxiety. For me, running and racing magnifies these hurtles. Every race is a constant battle of trying to overcome that negative self-talk.
I’ve had some pretty terrible workouts recently. Recent injuries and sickness are reasons for this, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make. For me, these times send my mind into cataclysmic thoughts and I start to wonder if I’ll ever be able to reach my goals or if I’m just on a slow decline and will forever suck. The world is ending because it revolves around how Hannah Fields did in her track workout today. Yeah, it’s dumb, I know, and I get that the world is obviously battling way bigger things than my current mental state. When I’m brought to these points though, my solace is in the fact that I know I am loved regardless of my performance. We were not created to live anxiety-ridden lives sucked of happiness. We were made for freedom and joy. I don’t have to carry my burdens alone and I don’t have to be a slave to fear. I don’t know how long I’ll be in this slump, but I am learning to be grateful because I know God is giving me an opportunity to depend on him and teaching me that my joy is not contingent on my circumstances but on His constant love. So for that reason, I can continue to #runhappy and be grateful that I have running as tool to glorify God and test my limits.